A Penny Of My Thoughts

Just finished a long phone chat with YK, well, the gathering during this coming Saturday has been cancelled because HM is going overseas. So much for a pre-organized gathering. Ha!

Everyone is busy. Busy with work, busy with studies, busy with bf/gf, busy with children, busy with watching TV (Me! Me! Me!) busy with lots and lots of things. Do people really communicate heart-to-heart nowsaday?

Even with YK, we would like, say, call each other once or twice a year? haha...but the good things is that we would always keep each other updated during the annual phone chat. Had given him an as-according-to-him-I-am-sounding-too-harsh-and-might-face-the-risk-of-loosing-a-friend lecture about him and his ex-girlfriend. Come to think of it, perhaps that was the reason why I had lost a friend during years ago. I might have been too harsh on that friend even when the thought of knowing the truth that he didn't really treat the friendship of the group very seriously had pissed me off. Like what YK had suggested, I might have to use more 'detours' in my phrase so as not to loose a friend, even a close one.

Hmmm...what can I say? If today's chat happened during ten years ago, perhaps I might loose another friend eh?

But, I did rebut him back for I don't really think I was harsh but was stern. Because the subject that we were on required some stern tone and I think I have had delivered my thoughts to him well. The sad case is that when it comes to POV on relationship, guys and gals tend to think poles apart. So, that was why he felt that I was a little out of the limit because he could only comprehend his own suffering and not the other party's.

But hey, I am no longer the lady during ten years ago! After all those years of self-reprimanding and suffering for loosing two friends, I know where I stand when comes to a lecture. I don't anyhow lecture people one unless I can foresee the seriousness of the consequences.

For this case, I am really feeling very sorry for M.Y. and I really hope that YK is able to make a breakthrough even when I have to take the risk of loosing a friendship, but I know, he won't want to throw away this friendship for he is now much more sensible than 10 years ago. Anyway, he was the one who brought out the issue of BGR, so indirectly, he was asking for it! Heheee!

But just a penny of my thoughts, I've learnt a lesson as well from him. That is, I might need to control myself or my words or my tone even though when I know I am correct. Haha!

A friend is a gift from god and I already lost two. The punishment was 8 years suffering of mild depression. I don't really have another 8 more years to waste.

Together, let's us make the world a better place to be in.

Another Time, Another Kiss - Chapter 17

“What are you doing outside the ER?” Reiko demanded and tried to stop Kotoko from entering the ward. “This is no place for a clumsy person like you!” Reiko warned.

“Err...” Kotoko was totally speechless because she herself was getting a little shock when she received the instruction from the head nurse.

“What’s going on?” Naoki stopped in between the two ladies. He was too, surprised when he first noticed Kotoko proceeding towards the direction of the ER. “I…” Kotoko tried hard to explain but no word would come out from her vocal box.

“Why are you standing outside for?” Another voice projected from within and diverted the attention of the threesome. Seconds later, Takashi approached slowly towards them. “Get yourself ready, the operation is about to start in another twenty minutes.” Takashi reminded and diverted his attention towards Naoki, who was frowning at the bad news.

“Nurse Imai is not able to make it today, so I’ve asked Nurse Aihara to assist us in this operation. I am really looking forward to Nurse Aihara’s performance. What about you?” Takashi said, laughing.

“What?” Reiko cried out in dismay, her palm pressed against her temple. “Is this some kind of joke?”

“What joke?” Takashi threw the question back.

“Are you trying to kill the patient by placing this time bomb inside the operation room?” Reiko cried again, hoping that her scream might somehow inject senses into Takashi’s skull. “You don’t know who you are dealing with.”

“I…think…I better…go.” Kotoko stuttered out, fully aware of Reiko’s worries. She was indeed a time bomb and she did not wish to see someone die because of her stupidity.

“No!” Takashi said, moving closer to Kotoko. “You are my assistant today, who would assist me if you withdraw right now?”

“I…can…ask…Michi…” Kotoko stuttered out again because the atmosphere was getting more and more intense.

“No!” Takashi flicked a glance at Kotoko and then at Naoki. “Do you have any problem with me taking Nurse Aihara as my assistant? Doctor Irie?”

Naoki stood rooted to the ground, unable to find his voice for a second. “Well? What do you think? Doctor Irie?” Takashi repeated.

“Baka…” Naoki muttered under his breath. “As you wish...” Naoki said and his voice took on the steely edge of a razor during this time. He then took a quick glance at Kotoko before making his way into the ER while Reiko followed closely behind.

"Let's go in." Takashi told Kotoko.

"Hai!" Kotoko quickly nodded. When she was inside the ER, she spotted Naoki getting ready for the operation inside another room, she just stood rooted and stared blankly at his direction. As if sensing someone, Naoki turned his head and their eyes met each other again. All the sudden, Kotoko never felt lonelier and more afraid of what was to come when she finally noticed Naoki’s eyes. His eyes...Why are they so cold?

To be continued...

Now...I know

Learning from mistakes is a very painstaking experience. Especially when a similar mistake perviously made by you had been made by another person and now you would be the one doing the reprimanding.

You can really feel the disappointment to know that the person is not doing what he/she is supposed to do.

Now...I know.

Knowing it now is not the same as knowing how disappointing the person was when you were the one making the mistake.

Now...I know.

I can be forgiving but the disappointment still remains. I guess this is how my boss is still feeling now when I was the one making a mistake which I was not supposed to make.

Now...I know.

He is still disappointed with me even though he forgave me while I am still disappointed with my co-worker when I am prepared to forgive him for the mistake made.

The feeling still remains.

Disappointment, lots and lots of disappointment lingering...

This is a reminder to me.

Yes, it is difficult to put yourself into other's shoe unless you have had the taste of what it's like to be in other's shoe.

But, must it really be this way? No, it doesn't have to be in this way.

All great things start from small beginning.

On the contrast

All disasterous situations MUST END from small beginning as well.


Now...I know.

Another Time, Another Kiss - Chapter 16

Am I a monster or what? Naoki folded his arms and frowned almost immediately at the thought of seeing the dramatic expression on her face when she had finally became aware of his presence before blacking out as if it was the right thing to do.

“I am glad you are here.” Doctor Yamada finally broke the awkward silence inside the ward when the two men were alone. Yamada knew exactly who Naoki was even though he knew this day would eventually arrive.

Naoki ignored the comment and stood motionlessly beside the bed near the window. He had his glance fixed at the sleeping lady all the while but she just kept fidgeting over the pillow even though both her eyes were tightly shut.

“I used to think that she is the bane of my life.” Naoki sighed, “I’ve never been able to understand why she could be so persistent…Never.”

“She’s just like a cockroach, wherever you go, you can always see it.” Naoki turned and looked at Yamada who looked back at him with a puzzled expression on his face.

“I’ve often thought of inventing something, like some kind of insect repellant for getting rid of her. Telling myself how splendid it would be to stroll freely around in school without hearing echoes of Irie-kun!!!!”

“Wouldn’t that be a good idea? Doctor Yamada?” Naoki asked with a bitter smile hung on his face.

“If it’s meant to be a joke, Doctor Irie, I don’t think it’s a very funny one.” Doctor Yamada replied, feeling a little disturbed by what he had just heard.

“You don’t think that’s a good idea? Doctor Yamada?” Naoki said. “And it’s not meant to be a joke.”

“My idea of a perfect life doesn’t involve cockroaches or any other household pests.” Naoki bit down on his lower lip, paused and looked carefully back at the sleeping lady.

“I kept telling myself that it was her presence that made me uncomfortable and sad. But I was wrong.” Naoki said, keeping his eyes fixed on Kotoko.

“It became worse when I finally knew..." Naoki then closed and opened his eyes with every word as if it was a major effort to utter each syllable.

"...that she had decided to stop.”

***

Flashbacks…

“Are you avoiding me?” Naoki remarked causally when he finally caught Kotoko alone in the pantry. Of course, Kotoko was so surprised by the sudden confrontation that she had done something only Aihara Kotoko would do.

“Hey, watch your coffee!” Naoki managed to back away before his white robe became a victim under Kotoko’s hands.

“Gomen ne!” Kotoko quickly apologized and at the same time backing away from Naoki so as not to create any further of her trademarked liquid spilling chaos, but Naoki was utterly disappointed.

“What’s wrong with you?” Naoki demanded. “Why are you backing away?”

“Gomen ne! Gomen ne!” Kotoko just continued with her apologizing for she was loss for words at that moment, trying hard to figure out why Naoki was getting so angry when she didn’t even spill the coffee onto him.

Both of them pouted simultaneously, each having their own thoughts. “What’s going on in here?” A voice was heard and it belonged to Doctor Yamaguchi.

“Nothing’s wrong!” Kotoko quickly took a step toward Doctor Yamaguchi. “Are you looking for me?” Kotoko quickly said; her heart pounding.

“As a matter of fact,” Doctor Yamaguchi diverted his glance to the man behind Kotoko, “I am looking for Doctor Irie. You have a visitor waiting for you in your office.”

“Thanks.” Naoki said, obviously disappointed. He stared at Kotoko for a moment longer and then exited the pantry.

“Are you feeling okay?” Doctor Yamada asked. “You are looking a little pale.”

“Dai jo bu.” Kotoko assured. “Do you want any coffee? I just brewed it.” Kotoko asked as she offered Doctor Yamaguchi the cup that she was holding to.

“Thank you very much, but…” Doctor Yamaguchi paused and pointed at the cup. “It’s empty.”

...To be continued.