Rain Rain Go Away, Come Again Another Day....

Like I've said earlier, my sunshine after the rain would not last for too long...

Anyway, during this 'clash', I may have a little problem with my attitude towards the issue. Perhaps, that's because I am pissed off by the fact that he kept thinking negative things about people. He was the one who wanted everything to be done in his method. Okay, this time, I must agree I was a little out-of-the-way during the discussion and I know further elaboration of the things that he did not want would eventually pissed him off but I still went ahead.

Last but not least, I hated it whenever he kept 'reminding' me about how a business should be run and I cannot do things as per my emotion (Look who's having all the mood swing here????)

Hey, if I can really think like what he is thinking, I won't be here getting a miserable payroll while he is getting 5 times as much as I earned, right? There must be a logical explanation for this.

Well, at least I can withhold my emotion better than last time during the 'discussion'. It seems that there was a miscommunication during the last meeting and that is why he was also pissed off by my attitude...what can I say when there was indeed a miscommunication in the first place???

It's like a never-ending cycle...and would all these series of misfortunate events made me a better woman?

He sometimes makes me wonder if I really have problems with my attitude. I tried to do some soul searching and think back about days when I was working for OTHER PEOPLE...

Have I been a difficult person? Did I always do things my own way without consulting people?

Never, but perhaps only with him.

If I ever turned into an aloof person, he would be my maker then....

But I would never DO THAT! If I really turned into a person even I myself hated, I would kill myself!

I must clear my mind and be extra extra extra careful during next time.

Give me strength and yes....wish me luck!

A Moment To Cherish...

It is now 1:07 a.m.

My eyes are feeling sleepy, but my stomach is not allowing me to sleep because it is still full with ALL the FOOD that I have had during the pinic.

Yes, once in a blue moon...we finally had our first family pinic!!!!!! And we would do it again, perhaps in another 6 months times...hahaha...*quoted by bro.

Well, sometimes not everything can be planned in advance, for example today, we didn't really go and plan it one month in advance or what...it just happens...*poof*...wahlah...we have had our first pinic....hehhee

My brother had bought a pair of roller blade in order to divert his attention away from his recent breakups. So, during last Sunday, he asked the Goons siblings about going roller blading in East Coast on Saturday. When they asked me if I wanted to join in, I didn't know why I would say yes because I would rather stay at home during Saturdays and Sundays if possible because I like to STAY at home...haha...but I said YES! That's something fresh....hmmm...

Then, after checking the calendar, it was really a surprise to realise that we really don't have anything on during today (it is really once in a blue moon)...yes, our calendar schedule for today is actually BLANK!!!!!

So, of course, I have to ask mother if she wanted to join and kept her informed that we have NOTHING ON during today. And she agreed and it was her who suggested a pinic...hehee...since she would be the one preparing all the food.

Okay, that's how it began...from a simple roller blading outing to one families pinic (n/a: two families involved, the Lees and the Goons) which is considered one of the big events in our family in years. Phew!

So, what have I done during today....let's see:

8:15 a.m. ~ 10.35 a.m. : In office...

10:35 a.m. : The sky was getting darker and darker....very worried...

10:45 a.m. : It started to rain very very heavily....busy with msn-ing and sms-ing about alternate plans only to realise that we don't have ANY PLAN B! WAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! So, we decided to leave the decision to the weather as in to cancel or not to cancel.

11:23 a.m. : THE RAIN STOPPED! So, the original outing was executed as per normal....

12:35 p.m. : Met up with Mrs Goon at the Golden Bamboo outside my office to purchase drinks and tibits.

1:30 p.m. : Reached my house and waited for the rest to gather before going.

2:30 p.m. : We decided to walk instead of changing bus, so we 'trekked' for about 25 minutes to the nearest bus stop just to save the 63 cents! Haha...well, it is good to walk more since people around me keep reminding me that what I lack most now is EXERCISE!!

3:30 p.m.: Reached East Coast Park and met up with Mr. Goon at the MacDonald's and took some photographs outside MacDonald since my brother had recently bought a very good digital camera (with tripod some more...professional eh?)

3:45 p.m. : Finally found an okay location to settle down.


At this point, nobody wanted to cycle...hahaha...so my poor brother had to roller blade alone...which was not his original idea...hahaha...but never mind he was still be able to manage that kind of disappointment.

In fact, my original plan was to lay down on the mat and relax with my mother and Mrs. Goon while reading the books (1 Da Vinci Code and 3 manga 'Skip beats' Vol 1-3) during the entire pinic because I have not been feeling well for the past few days...BUT...

4:30 p.m. : After testing out the water situation, the three of us had decided to.....

TEMPTATION IS DEVIL'S FRUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ended up in the water with Janice and my sis even though we didn't bring any extra dry clothing with us because ALL OF OUR INITIAL INTENTION didn't involve getting ourselves WET! We eventually lost to our will power and ended up in the waves of TEMPTATION even though we were fully aware of what we would get ourselves in during the end.

Nevertheless, I am not regretting it, at least till now...for my illness haven't worsen yet despite the fact that our clothes had not fully dried up by the time we reached home....I would need to drink more herbal medicine tea in order to void off all possible flu during the next few days.

Really enjoyed myself in the water and yet...burying up Ah Seng was fun. In fact, all of us were teaching him a lesson for all the miseries that he had landed us in during the past two weeks. Hahaha....we even took 8 pictures of him in his 'tomb' (using my sis hp) and it really made us looked like some crazy manics who were torturing a harmless creature. haha...not kidding, we received quite a few bewildered glares from the other people at the beach, especially a little boy who just stood there and stare and stare and stare...it was FUN!!!

I guess that would be our way to tell Ah Seng that he finally be able to be 'reborned' when Cr. Jo decided to end the entire self-directed drama by pronouncing that she had a 'miscarriage'. So, the old Ah Seng had 'died' and now he would be the new Ah Seng after he practically climbed out from his own 'tomb', forming victory signs with both his hands...he even had his own section in the vcd session of today's event...so, indirectly he was actually the male lead leader in the show since majority of the pictures belonged to him...hahaha...

We ended our pinic session around 7:30 p.m. and we reached home around 9:30 p.m.

After seeing the VCD of today's event...(A Dylan Lee's Production) , we almost laughed out....it was really nice...

Yes...life can be nice sometimes....even though it sucks...

Finally--- Today --- I've managed to see my sunshine after the rain.....

I know this sunshine would not last for long because we would get sunburnt for receiving too much sunshine...hahaa...so, no matter what my next challenge in life would be, with all the lessons learnt from my previous challenges...I hope I would be able to manage at least a little better than my previous one and patiently waiting for my NEXT SUNSHINE AFTER THE RAIN!

Let's all ganbarimasu!

Blah...

"Hope is a dangerous thing to lose."

This is the phrase I've heard from one of the character saying in 'LOST' during last night. He's right (or should I say the script writer is right instead?)

In one of the CSI-New York episodes, one character was relating how he was coping with the lost of his wife, who died in the 911-incident. In order to move on with his life, he threw everything that belonged to his wife away, everything except for a self-inflated beach ball. It was a beach ball inflated by his wife when she was still alive.

Why a beach ball, you may wonder.

Why did he keep it when he was already determined to move on with his life?

He said,

"I couldn't throw it away because part of her is still inside."

I almost cried and I would like to give my praise to the script-writer of that particular episode.

Believe it or not, but that's just me....

It's always good to hear good news about other people because I prefer to laugh along rather than to cry along with them.

Why did I say that?

Well, you may just say that I am someone who is generous when comes to emotion... :P

Whenever I hear of my loved ones (i.e. people related to me), friends or even those people whom I really hate or don't wish to speak to, telling me how wonderful their current lives are, I would feel 10 times happier than them to know that they are now living wonderfully and I would even smile stupidly to myself. On the contrast, if something had happened to the above-group of people (yep, even those whom I hate or don't wish to speak to), I would feel 10 times miserable than them.

Don't really mind people not remembering me when they are living happily, but I would really mind if people I know of, especially my loved ones, don't even bother to tell me when they are being bothered by something. So, my dear brother and baby sis, if you two happened to read this entry, I just wanted to let you know how much you two are meant to me and how much I love you two although I may be a little 'violent' sometimes...erhhmmm...you two know what right? hehhee...

I might not be rich enough to settle monetary problems, but at the bottomline, I am able to lend them my ear. But, I would also scold them if I know the reason of their miseries was due to their own stupidness and could be avoided if they had bothered to find a friend (not necessarily me) to speak to. I would feel very frustrated because it was already too late for me to help.

Not trying to be a saint here, just wanting to express my inner feeling instead of bottling them up.

People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.........

Skeletons Out Of The Closet....

I am now waiting for my dinner to digest a little more before I go for a shower. Reached home around 11:30 p.m. and had a very late dinner with mom coz my brother did not eat his share (still in emotionless mode) and so I have to gobble down half of the egg and most of the vegetables. Luckily my mom said the other dish (which I don't really like) can still be served tomorrow. So, sis, you will have the dish again for tomorrow's lunch eh..hahaa... *evil grin.

Feeling very tired, but I am sure I don't really have the right to say that 'I am tired' because I think my mom is even more tired. First, she needs to do the household chores, then cook our meals and then go for her flower arrangment sessions cum her other commitements and then back to household chores and then cook our meals and getting worried over my brother's recent heartbroken affair and then about my health. I am sure she's very very very tired and she just kept on doing, so what have I done to allow me to say 'I am tired'?

Reflections are very tiring. Perhaps that's why people don't really do any self-reflection during nowsaday, for it is always very tiring to evaluate your own doings at the end of each day. Most of the time, we hope that we've thought the correct thoughts, said the correct words and done the correct actions. Alas, at the end of the day, we would realise that we've thought all the incorrect thoughts, said all the incorrect words and done all the incorrection actions. And here comes the most tedious task...that is 'to feel guilty'.

Maybe, I am a little harsh on myself for I might not be doing anything bad to cause damage on the people I loved. On the other hand, I guess it's not 'doing anything bad' that made me feel guilty, but on the contrast, it's 'Not doing anything good enough' that is making me feel bad about myself.

I remembered during twelve years back, a senior always reminded not to let his behaviours fool us into thinking that he was a good man for he had been fighting with himself all the while and he could not guarantee that which side of himself would eventually win for he could only temporarily hold back his evil self and holding back wasn't really the final solution in this fight. So, he didn't deserve to be labelled as 'a good person' until he could let his evil self roams within his heart without causing any evil ripples in his thoughts.

I couldn't comprehend that part of conversation during that time, but now, as I encountered more and more self-struggling events during the past ten years and I foreseen more and not less to come in the next ten years, I gradually know the point that he was trying to deliver to us.

Holding back is not the absolute solution for holding back would mean 'restriction' and restrictions often stir up frustration and irriations. So, one shouldn't hold back when problem arises but to face it, anaylse it and solve it. Perhaps we might not be able to solve it during the first round, but failure doesn't mean that it's the end for it's the fearing of this factor that would make us 'hold back' in the first place.

Bit by bit, I am watching closely over my own desire. Bit by bit, I am controlling my own desire. Bit by bit, I am trying to dilute out my own desire. I don't really want to be labelled as 'a good person', I just want to be a person whom I won't have the desire to hate.

I want to earn the recognition from myself.

Issues That Pissed Me Off Recently....

'Mood swing' sometimes can become a lethal weapon as any weapons you can name of in this world. It might create an invisible scar that even a 60-stitches scar on your forehead might look nicer if you want to compare the two.

People who have to work or live closely with people having serious mood swings problem might tend to become one of them if they couldn't handle the situation well. Long term of mental tortures is worst than a whip on the back.

To all the people who are victims of one or more mood swingers:

Although we are practically living in fear almost everyday, we have to pray for them for their souls are lost but they are still not aware of it. Let's pray hard that someday their souls would find the correct directions so that they would not feel so insecure and keep losing trust in people, especially those who loved them the most, and have this realisation that although they kept on hurting the ones who have been loving them all these while, those people who love them would not stop keep on loving and caring for them.

Let's pray hard....

---

'Pre-Marital Sex' - Personally, I am not against this but of course, I would not want to get myself involved in this area because I do belong to the the 'traditional' group of people.

Of course, youngsters nowsaday might say, what's wrong with pre-martial sex? If the two of us didn't try out, how would we know that we can satisfy each other? Oh gosh! Sometimes, I wonder, even though sex is one of the important factor in maintaining a relationship, but I guess that should be the case when the two people become HUSBAND and WIFE, right?

Hello, people out there...please, don't ever think of having pre-marital sex is really an 'IN' thingy. Especially girls....even though you might say, 'What have I got to loose? I am just playing with him." If that is the case, YOU ARE TOTALLY WRONG! No matter how hard people are trying to fight for gender equality, we, females are still at the loosing end!

No doubt, you might bombard me again with 'Who cares about virginity nowsaday! Stop being so OLD FASHION!"

Of course, virginity would be worthless when its owner doesn't really care a damn about it. That's the problem. People only think for themselves and don't really think about the people who care for them, especially the ones who had brought them into this world.

Look at the rate of the abortion and the number of forsaken babies in Singapore...the rate is getting higher while the age of the girls is getting younger!

Perhaps we can only see this scenarios in soap dramas & movies...but don't forget, drama is a reflection of what people are doing nowsaday. So, one day, it can happen to you or your loved ones...what would you do?

It is easy for the guy to say "GO GET AN ABORTION, I HAVE NO MONEY TO MARRY YOU." But would it be easy for the girl? Therefore, girls...please, NO MATTER DEEP YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND MIGHT BE, if a guy kept on persisting on this matter...DUMP HIM! Refrain from any regretful circumstances while you can, or else, you are just signing a self-destruction contract the moment you say 'YES' to him.

You will eventually find someone who would wait for THE BIG DAY.

I am sure there are other more romantic things to do other than having sex between a couple during dates and special occasions if they are truly in love with each.

You must be wondering, why am I blabbering on this issue...it is really heart breaking to see people not thinking about the consequences, especially serious one, before they try to do something.

- Girl says she's pregnant because she had tested using the pregnancy kit twice and it indicated positive.

- SMS her the whole day asking her to confirm with a doctor first before she jumps into any conclusion. But she just kept on whining and crying about abortion and killing herself because the guy doesn't love her anymore.

- Managed to get the guy to accompany her to the doc on the same day. Result from the doctor was 'unsure'. Why would the result from the doctor be unsure when the pregnacy kit already indicated 'positive'?

- Girl threaten Guy with abortion if he doesn't marry her.

- Guy's dad wanted her to get an abortion because they don't have to money for his son's marriage.

What can I do to help? I wonder? When she told me that she's already slept with him after two months of dating...I was shocked. I mean, I know the guy and I can predict that he would not be the guy that you would want to marry under this situation! But she die die wants to marry him and ask me to help. Am I his mother?

I really wanted to scold her for she still got the guts to tell me that when the guy kept pestering her to have sex with him, her females friends already asked her to dump him knowing that it won't end up good, but she still ignored their advice and gave in.

First, she threatened him with an abortion and sucide in order to get him to marry her, when he told her about his father's decision, she didn't want the abortion anymore.

The thing is that she might not be pregnant at all for the doctor didn't even confirm and she's create a havoc over this. I mean, if she had listened to her friends earlier, wouldn't all these issue be avoidable and she can have a clean break with the guy?

What can I do to help? When she just doesn't listen at all? It really hurts...already having my hands off this matter since both their parents knew about this and I am only an outsider...wish them good luck!

Evil Me....

When people made mistakes, what punishment would be the best? Physical or mental?

Will I be able to amend for the mistake (which I have the intention in covering, thinking that everything would be okay eventually....evil me) and gain back the trust from the one who has been trusting me all these while?

It's gonna be a long way despite he's not saying anything...but I can somehow sense the disappointment in his tone.

I really hate myself for all this...why couldn't I be braver in the first place?

Evil evil me....I should be burnt in hell.....